


I wanna memorize you if it takes a lifetime

by abucketofwigs



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, Soulmate AU-Words on Skin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 15:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18528088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abucketofwigs/pseuds/abucketofwigs
Summary: It's funny in a way that it's not. They're not supposed to be together. They're not suppose to work. Janis Sarkisian fell in love with Regina George when they were twelve. At thirteen she hated her. Now at nineteen she's trying to figure out where Regina fits in her life.





	I wanna memorize you if it takes a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Here's this soulmate au I've been working on for the past month. Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Title is from "Old Soul" by Spensha Baker

“No it doesn’t look good there.”

Janis groans and Aaron sighs. From the bathroom, Cady yells something about organizing the towel rack. Regina folds her arms, shifts from her left hip to her right. Janis feels the burn in her arms from the weight of the table. She’s an art major not a professional mover. 

“Let’s move it back to the corner.”

Aaron nods, starts to shuffle back. Janis wants to argue how they’ve already moved the table to the corner  _ three  _ times, but she bites her tongue instead. Her arms ache and she just wants to leave, so she slowly follows Aaron. 

They finally set the table down. Regina nods, seemingly proud of the spot she chose. 

“Yup, exactly where I wanted it.”

Aaron snorts, rounding the corner to the bathroom to help Cady. Janis rolls her eyes, rubs at her wrist.

“You’re Regina George, of course, you get what you want.”

Janis brushes past her. She expects a side remark, something sarcastic that fits with the game they’ve been playing for the past two years. What she doesn’t expect is the way Regina gasps. When Janis turns around she sees the way Regina’s holding her shoulder. 

There’s a flash of something in Regina’s eyes that just tells Janis exactly what’s going on. 

_ Shit. _

Janis bolts from the apartment.

~

Here’s the thing, Janis has known that Regina George is her soulmate since she was twelve. She got the words the night of her tenth birthday, then two years later felt the sting after Regina said them. It’s crazy for her to believe that she was in love with Regina George back then. 

It’s crazy to think that Regina’s in love with her now. 

~

Regina never hid her words. Why would she? She’s Regina George. 

Guys at school used to call it out to her in the hall, but Regina new that nothing would ever happen. That’s not how her world works. 

(She remembers being twelve and praying that her soulmate was someone who made her feel the way Janis Sarkisian did).

~

**Group Text:**

**Cady: Janis is Regina’s soulmate!**

**Karen: obvs.**

**Gretchen: WHAT!!**

“Could you please not reply back to the group text about me?”

Janis hides her phone underneath the pillows, choosing to ignore the messages flooding in on her phone rather than actively reply. She doesn’t know what to say to anyone; especially Regina.

“So you’re just going to ignore Regina for the impending future?” Damian flops back next to her on her bed. 

He locks his phone, drops it into his lap. Janis sighs, rubs at her eyes.

“That’s my plan.”

Damian narrows his eyes, fixes her with his best glare. It doesn’t last long.

“Or, crazy idea,” He folds his hands, “you could just tell her that she’s your soulmate, too. Since it’s, you know, true.”

She groans, rubbing her eyes again.

“I like ignoring her for the rest of my life better.”

“Janis,” Damian sighs, “you’ve known that Regina’s your soulmate for like seven years, and now she feels the same. Why aren’t you going for it?”

Janis swallows, clears her throat to get rid of the lump there.

“It’s not that easy.” She brings her knees to her chest, “It’s not like Regina and I are best friends again.”

“But you’re better,” He insists, leaning forward to touch her knee. “You can talk to each other now without it ending with both you plotting to kill each other.”

Janis tucks her chin on her knees, “It wouldn’t work out, Dame.”

“You have to make it work, Janis, you know that.” He drops his hand back to his lap, glances down at his phone. Janis is afraid to know what their saying in the group text. “You and Regina need to talk. You can’t keep torturing yourself with this. This is your chance to be with your soulmate, and if you don’t chase it then it’s going to hurt both you and Regina. None of us want that. You two deserve to be happy with each other.”

~

Regina shows up at her apartment after three days of Janis ignoring everyone. Regina’s hair is curled at the ends; Janis closes the door back in her face. 

“You can’t keep ignoring me!”

Janis opens the door a little, peaks her head through the small crack. 

“Leave me alone.”

Regina rolls her eyes, tightens her grip on the bag of chinese in her hands. The plastic bag crinkles in the space between them. It’s from Janis’ favorite place around the corner of Regina’s apartment.

“We need to talk.”

Janis shakes her head, “Later, when I’m better at dealing with this.”

She waves her hand in the space between them. Regina blinks at her. Janis waits, tries to read her. 

“No.”

Regina pushes the door open, barging her way in. Janis stumbles back, cheeks red.

“Hey!”

Regina ignores her, busies herself by going through Janis’ cabinets until she find the plates. Janis huffs. 

“I didn’t invite you in.”

Regina glances up at her. She swallows, the plates echo against the table. Janis squares her shoulders, folds her arms. She forces herself not to soften at how nervous Regina George is around her.

“We have to talk about this.” The words come out softer than before. Janis’ eyebrows shoot upward. “The last time something like this happened we stopped being friends, and all of it was my fault and that doesn’t excuse what I did, Janis, but I can’t lose you again. I might not be your soulmate but you’re clearly mine, so can we please just talk about this?”

Janis watches the way Regina nervously chews on her lower lip. There’s two things she can do here. She can tell Regina no, and probably keep all the chinese to herself, or she can share the chinese with Regina. 

Janis pulls a chair out from the table.

“If you only ordered sweet and sour I’m going to fight you.”

A slow grin plays across Regina’s lips, “Don’t worry, I got your nasty sesame chicken.”

They eat silence. The food is a nice distraction from the dread growing in Janis’ stomach. She doesn’t want to have this conversation. She just wants to ignore it like she always does.

She looks up from her food. Regina’s staring back at her.

“Stop looking at me.”

Janis takes a bite of her rice.

Regina sighs, “Are you ready to talk yet?”

Janis swallows, “I haven’t finished my rice.”

Regina drops her chopsticks, folds her hand in front of her. Janis glances back down at her food.

“Stop deflecting.” Regina slouches in the chair, “Look, I get that this is weird for you, it’s weird for me, too, but this is a thing that’s happened between us. You’re my soulmate, and we can’t change that?”

Janis looks back up at her. “Would you change it?”

She winces; why the hell did she ask that?

Regina shrugs, “I don’t know yet. You and I haven’t exactly had the best relationship in the past.”

“We did once.”

Regina nods, “Before I ruined it.”

Janis sets her fork down. Regina ducks her head, brushes her hair behind her ears.

“Can we please not have another apology session? We’ve sat through enough of those. It’s been two years; we both fucked up. It’s time to move on, Regina.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Regina tries to keep her voice even. Just being around Janis makes the skin underneath her words hum. 

Janis frowns at her, “So what you want to try and be friends or something?”

Regina shrugs, “Yes.”

She wants to say ‘or something’, but they’re not ready for that yet. She might not even be Janis’ soulmate.

“So we’re going to try and be friends?”

Regina nods, “It’s better than nothing.”

They can totally be friends.

~

Janis wakes up the next morning with a text from Regina.

**Regina: I made it home. I hope you have a good night.**

Janis reads over the message again, wiggles her thumbs before she replies.

_ good morning,  _ Janis types,  _ i’m glad you made it home safe. _

Janis hits send, tosses her phone back on the bed before rolling over and getting ready for class. The trek from her and Damian’s apartment to campus is shorter than it is from Cady’s and the other plastics. It takes Janis’ a solid ten minutes to walk to her eight a.m. 

Janis slides her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans. She clicks the home button. No new notifications. Regina doesn’t have class until later in the day, so Janis doubts she’ll get a text back anytime soon. 

Halfway through the lecture that Janis is too busy drawing in her sketchbook to pay attention to, her phone vibrates in her pocket. The english majors in the row in front of her turn to glare, but she ignores them. 

**Regina: Fuck you for texting me at 7.**

Janis smiles to herself. She types back,  _ wow, that’s such a nice thing to say to your soulmate. _

**Regina: Shut up, it’s early.**

_ Apparently too early for you to tell me good morning,  _ Janis types.

Regina sends back ‘good morning’ followed by the eye roll emoji. Janis abandons her sketch and spend the rest of her lecture texting Regina.

“Are you still texting Regina?” Damian asks later that night as he flicks through Netflix. 

Janis nods, glances up from her phone. “Yeah, we’re trying to be friends.”

He hums, “You’re trying to be something all right.”

“Don’t start.” She nudges her socked cover foot against his thigh, “we’re trying, Dame.”

“Did you tell her that she’s your soulmate?”

He turns to face her, tucks one leg under the other. She shakes her head, locks her phone.

“No, I’m not ready for that.” Her screen lights with another text from Regina, “Maybe after we’re friends for a bit, but not now. It’ll just complicate things.”

Damian nods, turns back to the T.V. He’s not going to just let it drop, but Janis decides that she’ll take him letting it go as a win for tonight. She picks her phone back up, swipes right on Regina’s message.

**Regina: We could always play twenty questions since you keep saying we don’t know each other.**

Janis rolls her eyes.

_ Regina George: Ex-head of the plastics, but fuckboy forever.  _ Janis hits send.

Barely a minute later Regina texts back.

**Regina: Favorite song?**

~

On Thursdays their group has a weekly ‘family’ dinner. The plastics always end up hosting it at Cady and Regina’s apartment because theirs is bigger than Damian’s and Janis’ cramped one, and not as far as Gretchen and Karen’s. Normally it’d be all four former plastics moving in perfect sync around the kitchen making the only thing the know how: spaghetti. Somehow this time Janis has found herself helping only Regina and Gretchen.

“I think that this is cheating.” Janis sets the first placemat at the head of their small kitchen table. “You guys are suppose to cook, and Damian and I are supposed to bring dessert.”

Behind her, Gretchen snorts, making sure that the noodles are actually boiling this time. The last time they let Karen on noodle duty it didn’t end well. They ended up having to order from an italian place.

“We’re short-handed since Karen is in that night class.” Regina points the wooden spoon at Janis, grins playfully, “Stop complaining.”

Janis laughs, considers making a smart comeback.

“Don’t forget about Cady. She’s your fourth helper.” She says instead.

“She’s practically living in Aaron’s dorm.” Gretchen folds her hands, talks in that way that’s still quick, but somehow slower than high school Gretchen speed. “She’s only home for Sunday movie nights, and to do laundry.”

The Plastics are apparently all about bonding.

Regina sighs, “It’s annoying.”

“She’s young and in love.” Gretchen says like her and Karen aren’t the most overly-affectionate couple anyone has ever seen.

Janis snorts, sets the last placemat down. Regina clears her throat, goes back to mixing the spaghetti sauce. Janis doesn’t miss the light shade of pink that’s spread across Regina’s cheeks. 

Dinner is nice and fun.

~

Janis is the last out of her Art History class. She digs her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans, ready to reply back to Regina’s latest text message.  She frowns down at her screen.

No new messages.

“Waiting on a text back?” Janis looks up. Regina gives her a soft smile. She pushes off from the wall she’s leaned against, holds the starbucks cup out for Janis, “Decaf two creamers?”

Janis takes the cup from her, “You’re on campus before eleven? Who are you and what have you done with Regina?”

Regina rolls her eyes. Janis sips her coffee as they walk out of the Art and English building.

“I was just trying to be nice.”

Regina hooks her thumbs around the straps of her pink backpack. College Regina has switched out her purse for a backpack. Her back still bothers her, but she tries to keep her backpack light to counter the pain.

“Thank you.” Janis slides her free hand in her jacket pocket, “Do you have any more plans on campus today, or did you make a special trip to see me?”

Regina groans, “I have to meet some people from my eco class in the library.” Janis hums, sips her coffee. Regina keeps ranting, “It’s our first group project of the semester, and my fucker of a teacher-”

Regina keeps ranting to Janis about her class until their sliding into chairs at an empty table in the student lounge. Janis realizes that she really doesn’t mind hearing about it.

~

It’s been three weeks and Regina still hasn’t let their game of twenty questions go; no matter how many times Janis complains that they’ve asked more than twenty questions. Janis still thinks it’s dumb. They were friends in middle school, so Janis already knows a lot about Regina- at least  _ that _ Regina. She knows how Regina’s favorite color is actually yellow instead of pink; knows that The Jonas Brothers will always be Regina’s favorite band; remembers how Regina used to only ever eat cheese fries with ketchup mixed on them. 

She knows all this easy stuff. She couldn’t forget it if she tried. (Believe her, she’s tried).

Learning how to be  _ real _ friends with Regina again feels awkward and dumb, but it has to. Janis could just confess to her that Regina’s her soulmate, too, and they could go straight into dating, but just because they’re soulmates doesn’t mean that they would work. Janis has to be sure. There’s still so much left unsaid between them. 

“Monica or Rachel?”

Janis looks up from her laptop, squinting at the T.V. It’s an episode she’s seen so many times before, and Rachel and Monica are arguing over who stole Monica’s identity. Regina’s stretched out at the other end of the couch, looking at the screen. Every once and a while she’ll stretch her foot to press the tip of her toes against Janis’ thigh. It’s taken Janis longer than usual to finish her assignment.

“Rachel.” 

Janis goes back to typing away on her laptop. Regina hums, presses her toes against Janis’ thigh. Janis stops typing.

“Why would you choose Rachel when Monica is right there?”

Janis clicks save on her word document, “Um, Jennifer Aniston is like hot, Dude.”

“So is Courtney Cox.” Regina sits up, eyebrows furrowed. “Who do you think their soulmates are?”

Janis shrugs, double checks that her document is saved.

“Jennifer’s was definitely Brad Pitt.”

Regina raises her eyebrows, “Oh, what about Angelina?”

Janis shrugs, “I don’t know, I just think that Brad was Jennifer’s.”

Regina smiles, playfully pokes her ribs. Janis squirms, bats her hand away., quickly catching her laptop before it falls off her lap. Regina laughs.

“Who knew that you cared so much about the life of celebrities.” She teases.

Janis laughs, exits out of her document before pulling up her files to make sure that it’s there.

“Being friends with you and Damian forces me to.” 

Regina laughs, flips her hair over her shoulder. Janis can’t help but smile back at her. Regina and her lock eyes. Janis watches Regina’s expression shift back to something close to serious. Janis swallows.

“Learning that you’re not your soulmate’s soulmate has to suck.”

Janis nods, “I couldn’t imagine.”

She feels Regina’s eyes cut to her. Janis focuses to hard on shutting down her laptop. She feels the anticipation knot deep in her stomach as she waits for Regina to say something. 

Regina sighs.

“You’re turn.”

Janis groans, leans her head against the couch cushions. Regina shoots her an amused smile, lowers the volume on the T.V.

“We’re still playing this stupid game?”

Regina laughs, nudges her shoulder, “Come on, you know you love it.”

Janis rolls her eyes, shuts her laptop. 

“The real question you should’ve asked is Joey and Rachel, or Ross and Rachel.” Janis sets her laptop on the coffee table, turns back to Regina, “There’s only one right answer, so don’t choose the wrong one.”

Regina snorts, folds her legs underneath her. Janis brings her knees to her chest, rest her chin on top. They stare at each other. Regina taps her finger against her chin like she’s this is the hardest questions she’s been asked yet.

“Joey and Rachel. Next.”

~

Regina brings Janis coffee every morning after her 8 A.M. classes. Janis texts Regina good morning every day whether it’s a text continuing their conversation from the night before, or actually just ‘good morning’. She wakes up most days now feeling she might explode because of her feelings for Regina. Apparently learning that you’re your soulmate’s soulmate kicks your body into overdrive, and all those emotions that Janis has been pushing down for years keep threatening to spill out of her.

She doesn’t let them, though. She does her best to keep them in check. As much as she feels for Regina she’s not ready to be with her yet. She still has to know that they might actually make it. 

She has to wait.

~

“Stick together as two’s.” Regina reminds.

Gretchen slides her hand into Karen’s, glancing both ways before leading the group across the street to the house on Frat Row.

“Regina, this isn’t our first frat party.” Gretchen says.

Janis feels Regina’s eyes on her. Janis focuses on not tripping over herself.

“It’s Janis’ and Damian’s.” Regina pipes up, “I don’t want them to be overwhelmed.”

Damian wraps his arm around Cady, drawing her attention away from her phone. 

“I have my partner. We’re about to rule this bitch.”

Cady flips her hair in that ex-plastic way they all still do, “Hell yeah.”

Janis laughs, watching Cady stash her phone in Damian’s jacket. Gretchen and Karen disappear into the house, the frat guy designated as the guard doesn’t even bother stopping them. Damian and Cady follow them in without as much of a look.

Regina’s fingers wrap around her wrist, pulling her to a stop at the bottom step. Janis frowns, stepping back.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

The bass from the party booms in her chest. Regina looks away from the house and at her.

“Regina-”

“Are you sure about this? I now that I kind of forced you to come, but if you feel uncomfortable we can just leave right now.”

Regina bites on her lower lip. Janis heart skips.

“We might as well go in since we’re already here. Plus, it might actually be fun.” Regina frowns back at her. Janis smiles, reaching out with her hand to lace her fingers through the spaces between of Regina’s. She ignores the rush of excitement that hits her as she squeezes Regina’s hand, “Come on, it looks like you’re my number two tonight.”

Regina nods, looks up from their hands. She lets out a slow breath, rolls her shoulders, lifts her chin. She hasn’t looked like Plastic Regina in almost a year, but here she is with that infinite amount of confidence tonight. Janis’ cheeks burn.

“Let’s go get you the full college party experience.”

She tugs on Janis’ hand, leading her up the stairs. The Frat guy extends his arm out, blocking the door. He stares hard at Janis before turning to Regina. Janis wants to punch him for the way he not-so-subtly checks Regina out.

“She’s with me.”

He does a quick once over of Janis before turning back to Regina, “Save me a dance?”

Janis moves to step forward, but Regina tugs on her hand.

Regina tilts her head, “If you’re lucky.”

She adopts that bitchy tone; brushes past him and tugs Janis into the house. The house is crowded and loud, and smells of alcohol and a little bit of weed. Karen and Gretchen are on the designated dance floor; dancing too close to not catch other guys’ attention. Janis wants to tell them all to fuck off. Damian and Cady are in the kitchen; watching a sorority girl mix drinks.

Regina leans in close and Janis tries not to focus too hard on the smell of her perfume. 

“First impressions?” 

Janis turns her head, almost brushing the tip of her nose against Regina’s. Regina blinks, pulls back.

“You haven’t gotten me a drink yet, so I don’t have a clear opinion.”

“I think you’re supposed to the one getting me a drink.”

Regina steps closer again to avoid the person walking through to squeeze between them. Janis definitely doesn’t look down at her lips.

Janis shrugs, “You’re the one who invited me out.”

Regina grins, starts walking backwards, “Touché.”

Her fingers slowly slide out of Janis’. Janis smiles, watching her go.

~

Regina giggles, leaning heavily against Janis’ side as the other girl struggles to slide the key into the lock to Regina’s apartment. Regina nuzzles her nose against Janis’ neck. Janis breathes, finally pushes open the door to the apartment. She tightens her grip around Regina’s waist, helping her stumble inside.

“Easy, Drunky.”

Regina laughs, tries to turn to face Janis, but trips over her own feet. Janis wraps both arms around her, steadying her. She smells like coconut malibu rum and a little like the perfume she’s worn since eighth grade. 

“Has anyone told you that you’re really pretty?”

Janis snorts, brushing the loose strands of hair behind Regina’s ears. Regina grins, her cheeks turning a light pink. 

“You, a few times tonight.” 

She helps Regina kick off her heels before leading her down the small hallway to her bedroom. Somehow they make it without Regina falling.

Regina falls back on her bed and Janis flicks the nightstand lamp on. 

“Good, I think I should tell you that more.”

Janis blushes, “Maybe.” She tugs on the corner of Regina’s comforter, “Come on, time for you to sleep it off.”

Regina crawls to the head of the bed. Janis turns the light off.

“Text me in the morning, okay?”

Regina hums. Janis turns to leave, but Regina grabs her forearm, fingers brushing against her shirt just above where her words her.

“Stay?”

Janis swallows. Regina shifts in the bed, raises up. 

“Please.”

Janis’ skin hums even though Regina isn’t really touching her.

Janis nods, “Okay, yeah.”

Regina slowly lets go of her arm, scoots over to give Janis room. Janis shrugs off her jacket, tosses it somewhere behind her. She crawls into bed next to Regina. Janis faces away from her, she’s too scared to look at her. Regia shifts again, wrapping her arm around Janis. 

Before Janis falls asleep she feels Regina brush her fingers over the words on her arm.

~

The sound of pots and pans crashing from the kitchen is what wakes her up. 

“Shit!”

Janis blinks the sleep out of her eyes slowly. She flips over on her stomach, burying her face in her pillow that smells a lot like lavender and is most definitely not her own. There’s another crash from the kitchen. Janis sighs, counting down from five before she finally rolls out of bed.

Regina’s standing in front of the stove, long blonde hair curly and wild down her back. She smiles at Janis over her shoulder, points with the spatula toward the coffee pot.

“I made coffee.”

Janis rubs at her eyes, “How are you even functioning right now? You couldn’t even stand by yourself last night.”

Regina shrugs, “I’m making eggs.”

“Don’t burn mine.”

Janis pours two cups of coffee, adds milk to Regina’s.

Regina rolls her eyes, waves the greasy spatula at her.

“Shut up.”

~

Janis starts leaving clothes in Regina’s room after their sleepovers, and Regina clears a drawer out for her. They meet for coffee dates in between classes. Janis texts Regina good morning every day, and Regina sends her snapchats until they have a consecutive twenty day streak going. 

“Was that Kylie?”

Janis flicks the light off above Regina’s bed before crawling toward the side against the wall. Regina nods, scrolls through her messages before locking her phone and setting it on her nightstand. She turns to look at Janis with that big, toothy grin Janis has learned is only reserved for her family.

“Yeah, she met her soulmate today.”

There’s a slight heaviness to her words that makes Janis almost push the sleeve of her shirt up her arm to show Regina her words. She doesn’t though.

“Ah, poor kid.”

Regina frowns, “What do you mean? Kylie’s, like, the ideal soulmate for this kid-”

Janis holds her hands up in surrender, shuffles back against the wall. 

“Down, Tiger, I wasn’t insulting Kylie.” Regina’s nostrils flare, and Janis laughs. “I just feel sorry for the person who’s going to have you as their sister-in-law for the rest of their lives.”

Regina’s nostrils flare again. Janis laughs. 

“I’m not talking to you for the rest of the night.”

Janis laughs again and Regina grabs her wrist, pulling Janis’ arm across her as she rolls over to face away from her. Regina turns the nightstand lamp off and Janis settles in behind her.

It feels like the weird phase of dating without the label. Janis sees how hard Regina tries to change. Regina tries to be someone who could Janis’ soulmate.

If only she knew.

~

They’re at Regina’s apartment. Cady’s gone out on a double date with Karen and Gretchen, and Janis is sitting on the rug in the living room, notecards spread out in front of her on the coffee table. Regina’s sitting at the kitchen table, reading through her Economics textbook.

“Hey, Janis.”

Janis hums, flipping through her notecards until she finds the William Faulkner quote her teacher won’t stop reciting.

“Can we talk?”

The air shifts between them. There’s this tone in Regina’s voice that makes Janis nervous. Janis hears the chair scrap against the hardwood as Regina stands from the table. The floor creaks when Regina steps on that one spot on the floor. Janis chooses to ignore the anxiety building in her stomach instead she focuses on organizing her notecards. Regina squats next to her, takes a notecard out of her hands.

“Hey,” Regina nudges her arm, “can I ask you something?”

Janis clenches her jaw, “I really need to study for this test, Regina.”

“Please.”

Janis finally turns and looks at Regina, and she all but breaks. Regina’s looking at her with those big blue eyes and this scared look on her face. Janis swallows, nods.

“Okay, go for it.”

Regina nods, straightens her posture. Janis folds her hands nervously in her lap. 

“What exactly are we doing? Because, like, I know that we said we were going to try and be friends and I feel like we’ve been doing a really good job at that. But these past few weeks it’s felt like we’ve been on the edge of this line of something more.” Regina pauses, runs her hands through her hair. Janis wishes she could look away, but she can’t. “And maybe it’s because I have these insanely intense feelings for you, but I need to know how you feel. If I’m not your soulmate-”

Regina winces, “If I’m not your soulmate then I get it. Things like that happen. I need to know because I don’t want to keep you from finding her.”

There’s this raw honesty in her voice that Janis hasn’t heard since the first time Regina apologizes to her senior year. It makes Janis’ stomach twist. She tries to blink away the burn in her eyes.

“Regina, I-” Janis clears her throat. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Janis watches the way Regina’s face shifts from hopeful to downright heartbroken. She leans back, visibly deflates. Janis wants to reach out and hold her, but she doesn’t. She can’t.

“Oh, yeah, I get it.”

Regina stands. Janis does reach out for her; Regina steps away.

“Regina, I’m-”

Regina shakes her head, “No, it’s fine. I get it, really, I’m just going to go for a walk. I need to get some air.”

Head bitch Regina would’ve slammed the door; this Regina shuts it quietly behind her. Janis wishes she would’ve made a scene. 

When Regina comes back Janis is gone.

~

Some type of higher being is on Janis’ side when all of her on-campus classes get cancelled the following week. She takes the opportunity to go home and visit her mom, clear her head.

“What’s going on? You never come home in the middle of the week.”

Her Mom sets the snowman coffee mug in front of her, gives her this look that used to piss her off. Janis sighs. She could lie, but her Mom will just see right through it. She’s always been better at reading Janis than anyone else.

“Okay, promise not to get upset?” Her Mom shrugs. Janis sighs again, “Right, okay, so the last few-well-no.”

Janis huffs, scrunches her nose.

“Don’t worry about the little details.” Her Mom squeezes her hands, gives her a soft smile. “You can tell me about those later. Just get to the main point of what you want to say.”

Janis nods, squeezes her hand, “I’m Regina’s soulmate.”

Janis expects her to freak out, but she doesn’t. She just nods.

“Okay.”

Janis raises her eyebrows, “You’re not mad?”

“You can’t control it.” She shrugs, “You don’t get to choose who it’s going to be, Love.”

Janis blinks, “So you know that she’s mine.”

It’s not a question.

“I had some idea when you were younger. A mother always has some feelings about who their little girl might fall in love with. After that incident in eighth grade I knew that she was yours.”

Janis winces at the memory.

“You didn’t come here to tell me that you and Regina are dating, though, did you?”

Janis shakes her head, swallows down the lump in her throat.

“I can’t do it, Mom, I can’t be with her.”

Her Mom frowns, reaches forward to brush Janis’ hair behind her ear.

“You’ve forgiven her for who she was back then.”

The tears fall down Janis’ cheeks.

“I don’t want it to end like it did with you and Dad. I don’t want us to end up like you two.”

“Oh, Honey,” Her Mom brushes the tears away, holds Janis’ face for a moment before pulling back, “You can’t be afraid of love because of what happened between me and your Dad. I know that we’re not the best example for you to look up to. We were soulmates and in love, and had some pretty great memories with each other, but being soulmates doesn’t mean you’ll always work out. You know that.” She squeezes Janis’ hand. “You’re Father and I didn’t work out because we didn’t put in the effort to grow each other or to grow together. I loved your Father, Janis, and I still do, but we didn’t work to be something the way you and Regina have. I’ve seen how that girl has tried her hardest to change just so you’ll be able to look at her like a normal person. You’ve changed, too, because of her. You’re a lot more patient and that hasn’t gone unnoticed by everyone.” Janis sniffs and her Mom wipes a tear away, “I know that you’re scared of getting hurt, but you and Regina have worked too hard to get back to each other to not try to be something. You two deserve that shot at happiness. Don’t deny yourself that because you’re scared.”

~

Janis knocks twice on her and Damian’s apartment door.

“Dame, let me in! I forgot my key!”

Janis hears the deadbolt unlock. Damian looks at her through the small open space between the door and the wall.

“Have you talked to Regina yet?”

Janis shakes her head, “No, I’m tired. I was going to call her tomorrow.”

Damian scoffs, “I’m not letting you in until you talk to her. Go.”

“Damian!”

He shuts the door in her face. Janis huffs. 

“Go talk to her!”

~

The walk down the hall from the elevator to Regina’s apartment door feels like the longest walk Janis has ever taken in her life. Her feet feel like lead, and her heart might jump out her chest. She forces herself to keep walking though. 

_ You can’t be afraid of love. You two deserve a shot at being happy together. _

She stops at the door, lifts her hand to knock. She feels herself take a step back, look back down the hall to the elevator. She has time to run again; she could do that.

_ You two deserve a shot at being happy together. _

The door swings open. There’s Regina, blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun and glasses perched on her nose; Janis’ favorite look. The glasses don’t hide the redness around Regina’s eyes, and Janis feels guilty for being the reason.

“Cady’s with Aaron.”

Janis nods, slides her hands in her jacket pockets. “Yeah, I know.”

Regina nods. Janis shifts her weight.  

“Okay, have a good night.”

Regina steps back like she’s going to close the door. Janis panics.

“I came to see you!”

She reaches her hand out, the palm of her hand slapping against the wood of the door. It echoes between them. Regina blinks at her, clenches her jaw. Her face shifts into the cold glare Janis was once used to seeing. 

“What? Did you come to tell me about your little trip home?”

Regina turns on her heel, walks back into her apartment. Janis quickly follows her, quietly closes the door behind them. Regina turns around in the middle of the living room, faces her. Janis holds back a laugh at the other girl’s bunny covered socks; a gift from Karen last year. 

Regina folds her arms, nostrils flaring.

“Damian told you I went home?”

“It wasn’t like you were going to. You’ve spent the past week ignoring me.” Regina’s act drops, her voice cracks. “Again.’”

Janis nods, “Yeah, I’m sorr-”

“You know it’s funny, isn’t it? That you’re my soulmate. You of all people. Janis Sarkisian, my ex-best friend, the person who tried to ruin my life. It’s you. You were the first person to ever make me feel something when someone said my words.” Regina points an accusing finger at her. “You were the first person to ever make me feel something when someone said my words. Guys used to yell it in the hall at school. Hell, even Shane used to say it like he was praying for me to be his soulmate back then. ‘You’re Regina George, of course, you get what you want.’ He used to say that all the damn time, and then you come back into my life. You with your fucking annoying sarcasm and you say them and bam, suddenly you’re my soulmate. And isn’t that the best fucking form of irony? I want you, Janis, I want you with everything in me, but I can’t have you. I don’t get you.”

The sob that escapes Regina’s lips makes Janis’ knees buckle. She forces herself to stand up right. Janis takes a step forward, but Regina takes two back.

“I don’t get everything I want. You already have your soulmate back in Evanston, and it’s not me.”

Regina wipes the tears from her face. Janis feels her own eyes start to burn.

“Wh-What are you talking about? My soulmate in Evanston?”

Regina nods, “Yeah, she’s in Evanston and you couldn’t even bother to tell me.”

Janis shakes her head, “My soulmate’s not in Evanston.”

Regina frowns. Janis takes a small step forward.

“That’s what Damian said. He said that you went home because of your soulmate.”

Janis’ eyebrows furrow, “I went home to talk to my Mom.”

Regina’s mouth forms a small ‘o’. Her cheeks darken.

“You-You’re soulmate’s not in Evanston?”

Janis shakes her head, “No, well, kind of? She’s from there, but she’s not there right now.”

Regina nods, breathes deeply before holding her head high. Janis wishes she would stop trying to be strong all the freaking time.

“Who is it?”

Janis swallows, breathes. She takes another step forward, shrugs off her jacket. Regina’s eyes follows her movements.

_ You and Regina have worked too hard to get back to each other to not try to be something. _

“Don’t freak out, okay?”

Janis swallows, pushes up the sleeve of her shirt. She holds her arm out in front of her. Regina gasps. Janis squeezes her eyes shut.

“Do you remember when you said this?”

Regina’s quiet, and Janis is too scared to open her eyes and look at her. Slowly Regina ghosts the tip of her thumb over the words, traces the ‘you’. Janis’ skin tingles.

“I won’t leave you.” Regina mumbles, she clears her throat. “The day your Dad left.”

Janis nods, finally opens her eyes. They’re both crying now.

“You were there for me that day.” Janis takes a small step back, pulls her shirt sleeve back down. “It’s been you ever since.”

Regina shakes her head, “We were kids, Janis. We were-”

“Twelve.” Janis interrupts, shrugs her shoulders, “It was a couple of months before your birthday party.”

Regina flinches at the memory.

“If I had known, then things would have been different. You never told me.”

“It would’ve made things worse. We were kids, Regina, we didn’t know what to feel back then.” Janis swallows, slides her hands into Regina’s. “It would’ve just made things worse.”

Regina swallows, “Seven years?”

“It’s always been you.”

Regina blinks, “Woah.”

Janis snorts. It gets a small smile out of Regina.

“You just gave that big speech for no reason.”

“Shut up,” Regina rolls her eyes, squeezes Janis’ hands. “It got you to tell me the truth.”

Regina presses her forehead against Janis’. Janis closes her eyes. 

“I was going to anyway, that’s the whole reason I came over here. If I didn’t, then I think Damian was going to kick me out.”

Regina laughs and Janis wipes the tears from her cheeks. Janis wants to kiss her, but she doesn’t. Not yet, they have more to talk about.

“What do we do now?” Regina asks.

Janis meets her eyes.

“Go on a date with me. Let’s try to make this work.”

Regina nods, “Okay.”

_ Don’t deny yourself happiness because you’re scared. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to @kleksuh and @annablisshoa as always! Y'all are the best!


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